Summary
In one of the channel’s earliest and most-revisited coaching sessions, a woman tells Joe that wanting money makes her feel selfish. Joe works backward through every belief stacked on top of her constriction: that she hasn’t earned it, that other people deserve it more, that having money means depriving someone else. He dismantles each one — pointing out that luck and fortune are woven through everyone’s wealth, including billionaires’, and that wanting freedom and security (which is what money gives her) is something nearly everyone would raise their hand for.
As the layers peel away, the real issue surfaces: it was never about money. It was about safety. Her childhood on a farm — where a hailstorm could wipe out a year in thirty seconds — and a recent divorce had taught her the world was not safe. Joe gently shows her that she is still here, having survived both, which is the proof of her safety she keeps overlooking.
The deepest turn comes when Joe asks her what she really had to “work hard” for as a child. The answer is attention. Because being seen is painful for her, she takes whatever is most important — money, love, being seen — and turns it into something she must earn, then pushes it away. Joe has her apologize to money for the projection she placed on it, and then invites her to feel toward money the same easy, unearned being-seen she feels with her own family. Money, he reframes, has been one of her greatest teachers precisely because it kept reflecting a truth in her back to her.
Key Concepts
- Wanting money is not selfish — it’s wanting freedom and safety
- A money block is usually a safety block in disguise
- Money problems often hide the pain of being seen
- Work you enjoy stops being hard work
- Money is a teacher reflecting your projections back to you
Key Quotes
“How much money do you have to have for you to think that you’re selfish? Any. Makes sense that you don’t want any money then.”
“There’s a certain amount of fortune or luck in all of it. Having coached quite a few billionaires, I think they would also recognize that there’s a certain amount of luck, timing, to it.”
“How does that not prove your safety? Here you are. After divorce and after probably countless hailstorms. I’m still here.”
“If you enjoy what you’re doing, somehow that’s not work.”
“Because being seen is painful, whatever the most important thing in your life is something that you make something that you have to earn and therefore push it away.”
“I’m sorry for making you the most important thing in my life.”
“What a teacher money has been. I mean, there’s no way money could have taught you so much if it wasn’t seeing you on some level or reacting to some truth in you.”
Transcript
A woman came to me and told me that wanting money made her feel selfish, but by the end of the coaching session something completely different happened. This is one of our earliest coaching sessions and people come back to it over and over and over again. So we thought we’d share for everybody new to the channel. So since master class and everything’s over, um, at first I was kind of like, well, I don’t feel any different and you know Yeah. Typical. Um, and then like as you have said everything is starting to like happen for me. Like things are happening out of nowhere and and it’s been amazing. I’m so like grateful and thankful and all these things. But I find that I’m still having like such a restriction around money. I yeah. It just keeps you know, these things are happening. I’m really excited about them. Can’t wait to do it. Can’t wait to pursue this, but it’s always like comes back to money. And I so want that to stop. How how much money do you have to be do you have to have for um you to think that you’re selfish? Any. Makes sense that you don’t want any money then. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. So what makes you selfish for wanting Let’s be ridiculous. Let’s say a hundred million dollars. What makes that selfish to have a hundred million dollars or to want a hundred million dollars? Cuz other people deserve it as well. So if you have a hundred million dollars, other people can’t have a hundred million dollars? No. Okay. So then what? Um. I haven’t earned it. So, let’s just say being born into this country makes it more likely for you to have a hundred million dollars than being born in sub-Saharan Africa. So, in a weird way, none of us have earned it. Like there’s a certain amount of fortune or luck in all of it. I Having coached quite a few billionaires, I think they would also recognize that there’s a certain amount of luck, timing, to it. So, what’s wrong with being lucky, not earning it? You got lucky to be here. You got lucky to be picked. You didn’t earn it. You’re going to seed your time for someone else? No. No. Oh. Yeah, there’s just a lot of like Yeah, from my childhood of um Yeah, so much was luck. So, what’s wrong with being lucky around money instead of earning it? What’s What’s wrong with the fact that there’s just huge gifts in the world, like our time together right now? Nothing. So, if you’d say out loud, “I want a ton of money.” out loud in front of all these people, and then tell me Tell me what happens when you say it. I want a ton of money. It’s like an electric ooh like right in my chest. Yeah. And what does money give you? Um freedom. So say I want a ton of freedom. Um I want a ton of freedom. What else does money give you? Um the ability to feel safe. I want a ton of security or I want a ton of an ability to feel safe, whatever the words are. I want a ton of safety in my life. So tell me if if if if we ask everybody in this group, do you want freedom and do you want security? I would assume most people would raise their hands. Are they all selfish? Not at all. Yeah. So what if any constriction is left around money? Yeah, it’s not about that. It’s about the safety. Tell me more. What what what is that that you just discovered? I don’t know. Um it’s a couple of things. It’s it’s like um it’s my childhood of um my dad was a farmer and you know, there was no safety in that. You got hailed out in 30 seconds and it was all over for the year. So there was that from my childhood. And then more recently it’s my divorce and having to like completely start over again. How does that not prove your safety? Here you are. After divorce and after probably countless hailstorms. Mhm. Mhm. I’m still here. Last thing is let’s reverse it for a second. What’s What’s What’s dirty about money? What’s wrong with money? What’s bad about money? Probably something your farmer father said about rich people, whatever. Like what? I don’t know many farmers who really liked rich people. I’ve worked with a lot of farmers. It was probably more my mother than my father. Um Yeah, there was Oh, yeah. There was a lot about like they didn’t deserve They didn’t work as hard. They didn’t deserve it. They We got held out. They didn’t. Right. Yeah. So, luck is related to I I I know some of the like people who started the big Silicon Valley companies. They didn’t work any harder than the farmers that I know. It’s true. Is that a problem with money or is that a problem with people? Definitely people. So, try this one. I don’t want to work hard. Oh. That’s uh Wow. That’s like this really restrictive no Yeah. Right. You You haven’t even said it yet. Oh, you really want me to say that? Okay. Um I don’t want to work hard. What’s wrong with I don’t want to work hard? You’re I know you have You have kids, yeah? Three. How How many of them wanted to work hard when they were like 3 years old or 7 years old or 14 years old? Um not at all. And what what’s wrong with you if you don’t want to work hard or them if they don’t want to work hard or me if I don’t want to work hard? Yeah, but there’s like a you’re not good enough if you don’t work Oh, wow. How about if How about me? I work a lot, but I don’t work hard. I’m not even sure if I can call it work. Yeah, I am working currently. But then what does that say about me if I don’t want to work hard? But I I love to work. Yeah, if you enjoy what you’re doing, somehow that’s not work. Right. Right. So, probably having money isn’t even enjoyable then. Let’s try. I I want to enjoy my money. I want to enjoy my money. Okay. Now I’m What is it that you really have to work hard for? What did you really get taught you had to work hard for if it wasn’t money? Cuz that’s not true about money. If you didn’t work hard as a kid, what did you not get? Attention. From your from your parents. I just want to prove for a minute that even that’s not true. How hard did you work for the last 7 minutes with us being together on the call? How hard was that work? Wasn’t hard. It was fun. And what do you think when we’re done, how many things in the chat are going to give you praise and attention? And what happens when you let that in for a minute that you don’t even have to work hard for praise and attention? It feels like kind of painful a little bit. Yes, and go right into that pain. What what is that pain? Like of being seen. Not being seen. But I just want you to apologize to money for the projection. You projected in whatever words that you that are most aligned in you. Like how would you apologize to money for the projections that you put on to it. Like you made it about attention. You made it a like whatever the whatever the strongest thing is. How would you apologize to money? I’m sorry for making you the most important thing in my life. And because that being seen is painful, whatever the most important thing in your life is something that you make something that you have to earn and therefore push it away. Very much so. What’s really the most important thing in your life? My kids. My family. The people I love. How well do they see you? Actually pretty well sometimes. Nice. And the feeling that you have right now in your system when you think of your family and being seen by them, see what it’s like to feel that same way about money. I love that look on your face. You’re like, “What the fuck?” What? What a teacher money has been. I mean, there’s no way money could have taught you so much if it wasn’t seeing you on some level or reacting to some truth in you. I see that. There it is. Thank you.