Summary
A participant asks Joe how to utilize their potential to the fullest — they’re scared to quit their job, scared to stay, and scared of not fulfilling their potential. Joe walks them through a series of “what’s the problem with that?” questions, peeling back layers until they arrive at the core emotion: fear. Fear of not living a full life, fear of wasted talent, fear of running out of time.
When Joe asks them to actually feel the fear in their body, sadness and heartbreak immediately surface. The heartbreak comes from realizing that fear is present no matter which path they choose. Joe guides them to embrace the heartbreak rather than resist it, showing that when they stop resisting, they feel courage and can breathe again. Once the fear is faced and the heartbreak is allowed, sudden clarity emerges — the participant shifts from “I’m scared” to “I want to try, and I’ll need help.”
Joe then demonstrates that even guaranteed success wouldn’t give them a clear direction — it would only give confidence and an urge to explore. The real block isn’t lack of a plan but avoidance of the emotional experience of wanting. When the participant names writing as something they want, and considers just 15 minutes a day, anxiety dissolves — the mind had been inflating the task to avoid the feelings underneath.
Key Concepts
- Fear is present on every path so face it directly
- Heartbreak opens when fear is finally felt
- Clarity comes after feeling the emotion not before
- The mind inflates tasks to avoid the feelings underneath
- Exploration not achievement is the real urge underneath potential anxiety
Key Quotes
“So basically what you’re telling me is you’re either way — either you are scared to quit your job, you’re scared to stay in your job, and you’re scared to not fulfill your potential. So you’re just scared either way.”
“As soon as you actually just face the fear and you start feeling the heartbreak, your clarity comes online.”
“You don’t even have a clear idea of what it is that you want to do, and me saying you’ll succeed doesn’t give that to you. But what it does give you is some level of confidence and then this urge to explore.”
“It just makes it very big in my head that I have to do this task and then because it is big in my head it becomes like I think through it the entire day but it just takes me — you see it.”
Transcript
so basically what you’re telling me is you’re either way either you are scared to quit your job you’re scared to stay in your job and you’re scared to not fulfill your potential and if you don’t fulfill your potential then you’re going to be scared so you’re just scared either way yeah yeah so what makes you run away from Fear how do I uh utilize my potential to the fullest because I don’t know that myself I don’t know what to work on what what what if you never never utilize your potential what would be the problem with that yes I I feel very bad what makes you feel bad to not utilize your potential I feel like I would not live up to White what uh live up to what I could have done in this life in this short span of time and I I feel like I’m just I just have this very less time what’s the problem and what’s the problem with not doing what you could have done um I think I feel like my talents would get wasted yeah what’s the problem with your talent getting with him it means that I didn’t live a fuller life yeah what’s the problem with not living a fuller life I know it sounds like we’re going nowhere but we’re going somewhere like go to the basic core of you didn’t do anything nothing happened you didn’t fulfill anything I would feel like I did not EX at the things that I could do well not that’s not a that’s not a feeling you said I would feel like that’s not a feeling what’s what’s the feeling you would feel I fear you would feel fear I fear that I would not live the my life to the fullest so so basically what you’re telling me is you’re either from Fear like feel the fear right now in your system oh wow did you what yeah what just happened there I saw like sadness is was that sadness that I saw yeah all this fear to stop the Heartbreak what is it like to just like invite that heartbreak to like f it’s such a wonderful thing it’s it’s not a wonderful thing it’s a it’s a very ah go ahead it’s a very uh uncomfortable feeling oh wait just just to make sure is it is the Heartbreak uncomfortable or is your resistance to the Heartbreak uncomfortable if you don’t resist the heart okay so you feel the Heartbreak if you don’t resist it how does it change and then so we’re going to you’re going to feel the Heartbreak then you’re going to resist it and then you’re going to not resist it and tell me how it changes the Heartbreak came because you realized you’re because fear any way you do it you’re going to be scared yeah there it is now resist that now allow it embrace it love it like a little kid what’s the difference I feel a little bit more courage oh just as far as comfort you said it’s uncomfortable does the Heartbreak become more comfortable when you resist it when you don’t resist it um it becomes more I feel a little something here uh the way that I feel when I’m afraid mhm when I when I let it go when I let that feeling pass by it it feels better feels like if once that passes I can breathe yeah again yeah my experience when you Embrace heartbreak all the way is that it increases Your Capacity to love that it’s it’s a incredible pleasure but not if you not if you resist it not if you think there’s something wrong with it so but besides that what what what makes it that your heart breaks when you realize that everywhere you go all there is is fear you started to feel the fear and as soon as you did the Heartbreak opened up where did you learn to turn your heartbreak into fear is another way to ask the question I think it’s uh everyone telling me you can’t you won’t be able to from a very from a very young age okay I’m just curious what’s going to happen here you can’t you won’t be able to what just happened in you when I said that I’m angry yeah a lot of people told Gandhi he couldn’t he wouldn’t be able to a lot of people told me what what if it’s true but maybe not the way you thought about it may what if you actually can’t do it meaning that like it’s you’re going to it’s got to be something greater than you or you’re going to need a lot of help or you can’t do it on your own or you need to allow for Grace or whatever words you want to use like if you think about it that way like oh I can’t do this this is something that requires more than just me what happens in your system if if I because I have thought about it and I have got this feeling that probably I need more help I need more people more people helping me out mhm uh but I still want to try I do want to try yeah um so I just want you to notice something when you first came in and asked me questions it was I’m scared to do this I’m scared I’ll be trapped I’ll be scared and we hit that fear and now there’s this Clarity in you that’s just like I want to try yeah I’m going to need help and I want to try I don’t where as soon as you actually just face the fear and you start feeling the Heartbreak your Clarity comes online yeah and so let’s just say I was like incredibly powerful and I could say to you you’re definitely going to succeed what does that change if you believed it if you were like oh that’s absolutely true I know he’s telling the truth I’m definitely going to succeed what what does that change in you if anything I think more confidence I I would say more confident about what I wanted to do or anything that I would try because I don’t know what but I want to try many things but I’d feel more confident fascinating right you still you you what what’s clear is that you don’t have you don’t even have a clear idea of what it is that you want to do and me saying you’ll succeed doesn’t give that to you but what or if you believed it but what it does give you is the only thing it gives you is some level of confidence and then this like urge to explore so what just stops you from exploring with the job without the job what like what if that’s the if that’s the underlying urge what stops that to just explore I I have uh I think I have this thing in my mind that I don’t have enough time and I’m like running behind I’m running short of time for everything there’s the anxiet yeah I’m yes yes yes I’m I’m very who has more time who who has more time you or Jeff Bezos I do okay Jeff Bezos spends his first whatever it was three hours every morning he calls it wandering but you don’t have time so what I noticed and we don’t have time to work on it now but just something to to pay attention to is that when you confront what you want your emotional response to that is anxiety oh I might do what I want anxiety oh I could just explore with or without the job I don’t have a decision on a job I don’t have I just explore anxiety yeah look at all that calmness in you so just real quick before we go see what it’s like what’s something else you want writing writing I want to write so now I want you to think about okay I’m just gonna write for 15 minutes every day just 15 minutes what is your mind doing what’s your mind saying right now it’s uh possible very much possible yeah I I have that much time I have more time than that okay lot more time and your mind’s not giving you any reason it’ll stop you’re like oh that’s easy it just makes it very big in my head that I have to do this task and then because it is big in my head it becomes like I I think through it the entire day but it just takes me yeah you see it thank you so much pleasure