If you’ve been in a relationship for years and believe you’re “never triggered,” you probably just haven’t found the triggers yet. Joe identifies a reliable method for people in this category: notice any time you hesitate to say something because your partner might have an emotional reaction, because they’re “too weak to handle it,” or because you’re trying to protect them.
Every thought you have but don’t voice — every place where you edit yourself — is a potential trigger waiting to surface. The prescription is simple and edgy: say the things. Start with one a day. Learn to say them kindly, but say them. The most important thing is to actually make the request, directly and cleanly.
The system has a natural way of revealing triggers in order of importance. Work on the obvious ones first, and as those dissolve, you become sensitive to subtler ones. Your nervous system knows the priority order.
Related Concepts
- Walking on eggshells guarantees resentment
- Withholding truth kills intimacy
- Speaking truth dissolves approval seeking