Emile DeWeaver makes a careful distinction: “I did murder somebody. I am not a murderer.” This isn’t denial of accountability — he fully accepts consequences, including the possibility that someone might one day kill him in retaliation. It’s a refusal to collapse his entire identity into his worst act.
Joe explains why this matters practically: how we define ourselves is how we act. If Emile wants to create a world where kids don’t kill other kids, defining himself as a murderer makes that far less likely. The self-definition constrains the future.
“I can spend my time hating myself or I could spend my time helping to create a world where little kids don’t kill other little kids. And that requires a different orientation.”
Emile also challenges the prison practice of always leading with your crime — noting that nobody else in society introduces themselves with the worst thing they’ve ever done. The things we’re ashamed of are the things we recreate. Guilt can become its own comfortable punishment — a Penance that substitutes for actual amends.
Related Concepts
- Identity creates rigidity and limitation
- Shame creates the behaviors it punishes
- Growth means shedding identities