Almost everyone discovers that loving and welcoming stress (or any difficult emotion) causes it to ease and go away. Then they start loving and welcoming it in order to make it go away—and it stops working. Because if you’re loving something to make it go away, you’re not actually loving it. You’re managing it.
“If you’re loving something to go away, you’re not loving it anymore, and so it stops working.”
This is one of the most common “backwaters” in emotional work. The moment love becomes a technique for management rather than genuine acceptance, it loses its power. There’s no wonder in management—just strategy.
The other common trap is trying to skip directly to love without moving through separation, anger, and wonder first. Love doesn’t work that way when you feel oppressed by something. You can’t force it. The genuine path unfolds through curiosity and experimentation.
Related Concepts
- The progression from separation to wonder to love
- Tools and techniques can keep you stuck
- Should creates stress, not change
- When love shows up, unloved parts surface to be loved
- Fixing your partner’s emotions is manipulation, not love
- Longing and loneliness are love in disguise
- What we do to maintain love erodes our power