Several things make welcoming a support system scary. First: being truly seen. If you really receive support, your self-judgments, self-criticisms, and shortcomings will all be visible. We want to be seen on one level but fear it on another.
Second: identity dissolution. A support group challenges you to shift from “I want to become a great artist” to “I am a great artist,” or from “I don’t really care” to “I care deeply and want to be one of the best.” That identity shift is terrifying.
Third: accountability. You’re the person who criticizes yourself for not getting there, and now you’re in a group where people hold you to actually getting there — no more excuses.
Fourth: letting go of hierarchy. If you’re used to putting people on pedestals or below you, creating flat peer relationships feels destabilizing. Without explicit agreements, someone will try to take charge because the ambiguity is uncomfortable — which is why clear principles of interaction are essential.
Related Concepts
- Being seen is a survival need we villainize
- Shame creates the see-me-dont-see-me double bind
- Holding it together blocks support