Summary
In this coaching session, a participant struggles with implementing basic practices like breathwork despite wanting to. They notice resistance to connecting with their body and fear underneath. Joe observes that almost everything the participant says is contradicted by their body language—smiling while describing pain, performing happiness while feeling tension.
Joe repeatedly invites them to “come with no contradiction, without a mask,” which gradually reveals the core pattern: trying to ask the right question, trying to get it right, trying to be something else to be loved. When Joe asks them to think of things they’ve done wrong while not pushing themselves, nothing comes to mind—but most things they think they’ve done wrong happened while pushing. The session culminates in the participant attempting to direct self-love inward rather than outward, discovering that their habitual response is to run from receiving their own love. Joe normalizes the running, noting that feeling bad about running is itself another form of running.
Key Concepts
- Contradiction between words and body reveals the mask
- Trying hard comes from fear of doing something wrong
- Running from self-love is the pattern, not the problem
Key Quotes
“Come to me with no contradiction, like without a mask.”
“So afraid of doing something wrong.”
“Think about all the things that you think you’ve done wrong and how many of them are happening while you’re pushing yourself.”
“Felt like I had to be something else to be loved.”
“It’s like I’ve given that love to everyone else. Feels like when I try to give it to myself, I want to run.”
“One of the ways you run is to feel bad.”
Transcript
come to me with no contradiction like without a mask. I’m afraid. Yeah. What are you afraid of? Essentially, in this coaching session that happened during one of our live Q&As’s, we meet a person who’s trying to get it right. They’re trying to get it right so much. They’re trying to make sure that they ask the right questions. And what they find out underneath is that fear of getting it wrong. there’s actually freedom in it. I’ve been feeling more of that heartbreak in my life and um and it’s just crazy. A similar experience, my dad’s birthday came past and I was trying to decide whether to call him. Yeah. I mean, there’s lots of abandonment and neglect in that past and um I’ve noticed that there’s a there’s a resistance to connect with my body. I’ve been trying breath work. I’ve been trying to go outside more and there’s a that terror that fear I don’t know there’s so I think my question is uh like how can I love the resistance how can I you know what what can I what’s stopping me like like literally like you said to breathe and I have and I’ve been doing it more but I kid you not like I avoid it I I I like oh I got other stuff going on and it and and it’s breathing for five minutes a day. Like, right. And I’m sad. I’m sad that I got that advice and it’s been so hard to implement it and it and I’m feel like I’m betraying myself all over again with everything I’ve learned and it just Yeah. What What’s the question? How do I let in the the fear? How do I uh So, what I notic is almost everything you’re telling me, you’re also contradicting in your body language. So, like you you do this. You say, “How do I let in the fear?” Right? Almost everything you’re doing, you’re like you’re you’re showing happiness like your face is smiling though that’s not what’s actually happening underneath. There’s like a like there’s tension. There’s tension but there’s also like a contradiction. So what is it to come to me without contradiction? The other way to say it is like it’s like your dad is in your head fighting with who you are. And so what is it to come to me without that fight? That’s you’re closer, but you’re still there’s still a trying. What’s the trying? trying to ask the right question. Yeah. So, I don’t need you to try. It feels like there’s more clarity on what I need to say to people like my dad and I’m afraid to say it. I’m afraid to say it. I’m afraid of what they’re going to react. How he’s going to react like Like you’re gonna I want to just go back. What is it for you to be here with Feels better than thinking about the question. That’s good. Yeah. What What makes you push yourself? So afraid of doing something wrong. Tell me one thing you’ve done wrong when you aren’t pushing yourself. You’re pushing yourself right now. Question. Feels like I haven’t done anything wrong and I haven’t pushed myself. Like nothing’s coming to mind. Yeah. Now, think about all the things that you think you’ve done wrong and how many of them are happening while you’re pushing yourself. Oh, me. How can that be? And again, I’m just going to ask you like come to me with no contradiction, like without a mask. afraid. Yeah. What are you afraid of essentially? To feel to feel. Great. What are you going to have to feel? If you weren’t afraid, what would you be feeling? Feeling anxiety right now. Yeah. So, let’s see what it’s like to feel that all the way. Like the way that you wanted that woman to receive the compliment, I want you to receive the anxiety the same way. So what makes you push yourself? Felt like I had to be something else to be loved. The kid. Yeah. So, why don’t we just cut to the chase? Why don’t you just love yourself as you are right now? There is a feeling of love. Feel that love and put it towards you. It’s like I’ve given that love to everyone else. Feels like when I try to give it to myself, I want to run. That’s what you’re doing. Okay. Running. Running. Running. There we go. You let you’re letting some in. See what it’s like to let let a little more in. Running running running running running. It’s okay to run, by the way. I don’t have any judgment. Thank you. I feel bad for running. It’s natural. That’s how you run. One of the ways you run is to feel bad. feel like I get into this loop a lot. I get into you and and then I get into this. Yeah. You do. That’s okay. Feeling tingliness through my body and shoulders. It’s like It’s like different but goosebumps. Yeah. Yeah. It’s like you’re you’re you’re letting some of it in. Yeah. Get it.