Summary
In a brief coaching session from a public Q&A, a woman asks how to stop questioning whether her contributions are valuable or whether she’s just speaking to be heard. Joe immediately flips the question: “What’s wrong with just wanting to be seen and not being valuable?”
He points out that nobody can judge the value of their own input. He shares his own experience — things he says off the cuff become life-changing for people years later, while his “profound” moments mean nothing to anyone. Then he drops the existential reframe: none of us will be remembered in a thousand years. The need to be important is itself a form of selfishness.
The session culminates with Joe asking her to look him in the eye and say “I want to control what you think of me, Joe.” She does — and bursts out laughing at the absurdity. The desire to control others’ perceptions, stated plainly, reveals its own ridiculousness.
Key Concepts
Key Quotes
“None of us are going to be remembered in a hundred years. None of us.”
“Who are you to judge if your input is valuable?”
“I say shit off the cuff and people come to me three years later and they’re like, ‘Oh my god, that thing you said to me.’ And I don’t even remember what the hell I said.”
“Joe, I want to control what you think of me.” — “It feels ridiculous.” — “Totally absurd.”
Transcript
None of us are going to be remembered in a hundred years. None of us. And maybe one person on this call remotely might be, but a thousand years now, forget it. Like we’re dust in the wind. What makes it that you have to be so important? In this coaching session that happened during one of our public Q&A, a woman comes in wondering if she has anything valuable to say and when to know what she is saying is valuable, and she walks out laughing at the judgment of others. How do I stop questioning if I’m showing up just to have my voice be heard or if I truly have the thing to say? Oh, cool. What’s the problem with showing up just to be heard? Maybe I feel like I don’t have valuable input. It’s not valuable if it’s just me trying to get my voice heard or to be acknowledged. I mean, what, how many people’s input is valuable like what percentage, what percentage of people’s input is valuable? I don’t think that question is answerable because it’s perception. If Yeah. Great. Even more of a reason. How do you know? Who are you to judge if your input is valuable? I say shit off the cuff and people come to me three years later and they’re like, “Oh my god, that thing you said to me.” And I was like, “I don’t even remember what the hell I said to you.” And then there’s this other stuff that I’m like, “That was some profound. I just laid down some profound shit and like doesn’t mean shit to anybody.” Okay. Um, I’m constantly questioning if what’s wrong with just wanting to be seen and being not valuable? What’s the problem? I don’t know why I think it’s a problem. We Yeah, right. We are all none of us are going to be remembered in a hundred years. None of us. And maybe one person on this call remotely might be, but a thousand years now forget it. Like we’re dust in the wind. Like to do the old classic rock song. Like what? Why? What makes it that you have to be so important? If you think you have to be important, that’s a selfishness of itself. Like anything you do, you can call selfish. Right now, you’re being valuable to somebody. Right now, somebody on this call is having an epiphany because you and I are having this conversation right now. Two people are bored. What the hell. Why did she even spend the time? This is how life is. It’s that simple, isn’t it? When you said that right now, two people are bored. And it just made me smile because that’s the thing I’m afraid of, right? That’s the thing that I don’t want to happen yet. I know I don’t have any control over that control over it. That’s right. That’s right. Why am I trying to control that? Okay. Yeah. Well, you know, let’s answer the question. What makes you want to control what other people think of you? What makes me want to control what other people think of me? Yeah. I mean, just see what it’s like. Like, look me right in the eye and say, “I want to control what you think of me, Joe.” And see what it feels like. Joe, I want to control what you think of me. Yeah. It feels ridiculous. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Totally absurd. I totally get it. What a pleasure. Thank you for coming up. Thank you. That was incredibly valuable. Thank you so much.