Summary
In this live coaching session, Joe works with a therapist who recently recovered from severe burnout and is now facing a decision between pursuing her career or having a child. She feels stuck choosing between the two paths, afraid that doing both would be impossible.
Joe reframes the entire dilemma by revealing that both paths trigger the same underlying fear — the fear of not making progress, of being stuck. He shows her that her definition of “progress” is entirely external, driven by a need to prove herself to others. This constant performance for others’ approval was the very thing that caused her burnout in the first place.
The session culminates in a powerful somatic shift. Joe asks her to drop out of her head and into her body, and she immediately lights up with happiness. The six months she described as “miserable” were only miserable when experienced through the lens of external validation. When she stays in her body, she feels alive and doesn’t care what others think — revealing that the path forward isn’t about choosing career or baby, but about learning to stay connected to herself.
Key Concepts
- Big decisions are usually avoided emotions
- Burnout comes from constantly performing for others’ approval
- Real progress is internal awareness, not external achievement
Key Quotes
“Big decisions are usually just avoided emotions.”
“What’s the emotion you’re trying to avoid in both of these two decisions?”
“What makes progress external and not internal?”
“How much of your burnout was created by constantly making sure that other people were happy and that you were liked?”
“It can’t be that easy… I just saw… there you go, it can be that easy.”
“Does your body care what they think? My body doesn’t care actually.”
Transcript
our whole conversation you’ve been up here thinking I want you to stop for a moment and just feel your whole body whole thing yeah and if I’m asking your body what’s progress what is your body’s response not your heads in this coaching session we’re going to deal with overthinking and how it gets you stuck and how to get unstuck we did it during one of our live Q&A calls where people from the public can raise their hand and get coached by me if you pay attention I’m sure you’re going to get a ton out of it I had a terrible burnout for the last year uh and I decided to quit my job and uh have several months to to rest just to take care of myself and right now is the moment when I already feel the energy uh to start something new to proceed on my career but the problem not the problem but the situation is that I’m choosing between the two paths like my husband and I we are thinking about having a child just thinking about it and uh that’s how it alwayss another path is about the career yes so I don’t know how to combine these two things because I think it will be too difficult for me to start both of them like to proceed on my career and to have a child it would like impossible I don’t know how so I’m choosing and I don’t know how to choose because I just feel um confused of this situation and I’m seeking of some guidance how do I make this decision should I make it at all what’s what’s that’s a great um well what if you didn’t make the decision what would that look like you just said I what if I don’t make it at all how would that look I will just go with the flow like let something happen to me but uh this seems to me kind of irresponsible like I should I think I should make decisions for my life and uh in this way I’m going with the flow and I’m not sure if if the best what’s what’s the what’s the emotion you’re trying to avoid we have this um we have a course called the decisions course and one of the things that we teach in that is that big decisions are usually just avoided emotions we make we make decisions in the in the emotional part of our brain if I took the emotional part of your brain out you would take four hours to decide where to have lunch but your IQ would be the same neurologically speaking Yeah so what’s the emotion that you’re trying to avoid in both of these two decisions so you go and you get a job again and you get productive again what’s the emotional reality that you don’t want to deal with um I don’t want to experience burnout again great and if you went and had a baby what’s the emotional experience that you’re avoiding there feeling like I I’m missing on something because if I’m having a child then I will not have my career and that’s like fear of missing out I think that I will have long time not doing something not having progress yeah and H how how does burn out burnout not do the same thing if you burn out on your career how how does that not also equal having a long time not doing something it is equal yeah it’s the same like right now I have six months of not making any progress and it also feels progress towards what miserable progress progress in in the career towards what uh feeling more confident as a professional uh feeling more achievement yeah so you want to feel achievement and progress and you don’t want to feel uh non progress stuck and burned out right yeah yeah and uh what makes you think that uh what’s the way that you could either have a baby or um have a career and guarantee that you don’t feel burnout like what how do you guarantee no burnout because you either don’t think I can guaranteed ah yeah so what maybe you’re asking the wrong question if you don’t think you can guarantee a not to burn out it means that you like know no choices where you go so what if the question is how do I work or how do I have a baby with no burnout what’s the answer to to be to pay more attention to my own state in all these process like having a child or doing my job great that’s that’s beautiful so yeah so if you dedicated for the next uh two months to just be aware of your own State as often as possible working on it yeah would that be progress just doing that without uh just just doing that and getting better at learning how to listen to yourself yeah would that be progress would that create confidence I wish that I could uh see it as progress but usually I don’t yeah yeah because I’m therapist yeah so what makes progress external and not internal I gu maybe progress which I can show to other people is more important than some kind of internal progress what makes that the case what makes that the case because I always care too much about other people’s opinion that I want to show them that I’m good enough I’m oh wow you know progress you know what that’ll cause burnout burnout yeah but maybe maybe I’m hoping that there is a way for doing this without burnout but I don’t know how how much of your burnout was created by constantly making sure that other people were happy and that you were liked and that everything was going smoothly and a lot really a lot more than a half okay so if you want to avoid burnout what’s the best way as I said paying more attention to myself not trying to to show anyone what I’m capable of but just doing what I love yeah I think great so do me this favor our whole conversation you’ve been up here thinking I want you to stop for a moment and just feel your whole head’s look at that smile it’s movement yeah yeah you said it’s been miserable for the last six months you do not look miserable right now my dear how much of this misery is just the being in your head looking for external instead of being in your body looking for the internal oh it can’t be that easy I just saw yeah there you go it can be that easy when I’m staying in my body I feel a lot of happiness but yeah as you say when I’m the hole in in in my head it’s miserable because I start thinking how do people perceive me and that stuff yeah yeah so go back to your body for a minute just be there with your body keep keep your sensation your body look out into this room of people look at like open your eyes look into the room of people but don’t leave your body yeah don’t leave your body that’s all like feel the feet and your bum and the whole thing yeah yeah and look at look at and now I want you to I want you to what does your body have to say about what these people think of you your body head I think they like watching me like admiring yeah does your body care what they think feel your body don’t get in your hand feel your whole body does your body care people think my body doesn’t care actually no yeah thank you Joe you’re so welcome what a pleasure