Summary
Doug, a successful man who has had more than enough money for a decade, can’t give himself permission to retire. He makes in a day what his 13-year-old self took 100 days of labor to earn. That inner 13-year-old won’t let him walk away. Joe guides him to speak directly to the 13-year-old boy (“Dougie”) and ask what he needs—the answer is money for security, for protection from a tough childhood.
But when Joe redirects Dougie to face the “demon” he’s been fighting his whole life—his inner critic, his reactivity born from childhood pain—and to hug it rather than slay it, everything shifts. The demon transforms from a dragon into a “slow puddly teddy bear.” From that place, Dougie needs nothing around money. The real block was never financial; it was the unresolved relationship with the inner threat that money was supposed to protect against.
Key Concepts
- Financial safety is not actually about money
- Hug the demon, don’t slay it
- The inner child holds the permission around money
Key Quotes
“I want to tell you what I told my kids when they were five years old—that the demon is just looking for hugs.”
“It went from being an ugly dragon to like a slow puddly teddy bear.”
“If the demon is not here then money’s not as important.”
“I’ve spent my life fighting that demon… but maybe the demon was teddy bear.”
Transcript
I want to tell you what I told my kids when they were 5 years old that the the demon is just looking for hugs I’m going to ask you Dougie to take a risk with me I don’t want you to just face the demon I want you to literally chase the demon around trying to hug it so I put in the forum what my question is and that is after a lifetime of working hard that started when I was eight years old I have more than enough money now I’ve had more than enough money for a decade and fortunately I have lots of things that I like to do so I’m at the point where I no longer need to work for money but it feels and and I’m thinking about retiring but because it was so hard to make money when I was young it feels disrespectful to walk away from a place that it’s so it’s I enjoy what I do I’m good at it it’s easy and it pays incredibly well I make a day what used to take me a hundred days of toiling in the summer to make my my 13-year-old self is like you can’t walk away from this right right right right yeah I got and so I’m having difficulty with that I have two questions is where are you right now I’m in Salt Lake City Utah all right cool and then the second question is what is your question I’m trying to to make that decision how do I how do I say thank you to that 13-year-old boy that busted his butt I I want that 13-year-old permission to walk away from something that he’d have to work a 100 days for 10 hours 10 hours a day yeah I make that in the day now and I’m it’s almost like that 13-year-old boy isn’t giving me permission okay so I have a question for you how good are you with being irrelevant pretty good okay great and well let’s find out if if you were to ask the 13-year-old boy what do I need to get your permission to quit what would what would the what is the answer because that 13-year-old boy is still inside of me I think of myself like a book I’m asking you to ask the 13-year-old boy inside of you and tell me his answer oh man that’s a good question the 13-year-old boy 13-year-old boy go ahead probably didn’t have enough right like I was just going to say the 13-year-old boy is telling me we need it okay great for what you’re going to be the 13-year-old boy I’m gonna be you for what what do we need it for security protection protection from what I had a childhood that was tough so I needed to be independent I needed to be able to survive on my own oh yeah great so it’s independence yeah security from bad stuff yeah yeah and so you’ve earned all this money how secure are you from bad stuff right now I have a no bad stuff rule and I’ve had that for for 30 years me too I have that same rule my friends my friends get three chances the first time I tell them nicely not to be bad that what they said hurt me the second time I’m not as kind and the third time I just say we’re not hanging out anymore and there’s there’s no exceptions to that rule yeah how about your internal bad stuff what we all I have one so what about that’s what I mean yeah yeah exactly what where where’s the protection from that it’s it’s been it’s in large part it’s been solved I had this demon inside of me but the the demon’s been slayed okay I want the 13-year-old to turn towards the demon okay and I’m gonna ask the what do you need for the 13-year-old if it’s yeah I need bring bring yourself down I see the emotions coming and I see you kind of evading the emotion so chin down bring your chin chin down chin down yeah there we go yeah what does a 13-year-old need from the demon from the demon I need a lot of protection I need a lot of help I’m not I’m not strong enough I don’t have the tools that I need it’s going to devour I am a thread away from getting devoured yeah I just want to comment that money’s not going to help you here to the 13-year-old yeah I I need wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait just stick with slow down stick with me be completely in your body I’m going to tell the tell the 13-year-old did you have a nickname when you were 13 yeah Dougie Dougie so Dougie I want to tell you what I told my kids when they were five years old that the demon is just looking for hugs and I’m gonna ask you Dougie I’m gonna ask you Dougie to take a risk with me I don’t want you to just face the demon I want you it it went it went from being an ugly dragon to like a slow puddly teddy bear yeah so I want you to just like literally be arm in arm with that teddy bear dragon let it do what it’s got to do and Dougie you from that place I want you to tell old Doug what you need around money nothing yeah if the demon is not here then it’s money’s not as important yeah and now I just want to ask old Doug a question like how do you make your life 10% more enjoyable help others help my family yeah help my kids and then I like teaching so teach others share with others kind of what I’ve learned through my journey yeah hug the demon don’t don’t fight it’s a total that framework is I was not expecting that at all that’s yeah because I’ve spent my life fighting that demon I know yeah you kicked its ass but it still always kind of had you but maybe the demon was teddy bear it was which is a very interesting question to ponder yeah okay thanks Joe feel yeah yeah thank you pleasure