Summary
In this coaching session, a woman comes to Joe struggling with finding and living her purpose. Joe reveals that the very act of searching for purpose is a way of avoiding it. Purpose isn’t something to be found in the future—it’s lived in the present moment.
The client has a pattern: she touches “I am” (her authentic presence), then immediately doubts and questions it, retreating into her mind. This doubt is a protective mechanism against the expansiveness of truly being herself.
Joe points out that her grief about abandoning herself for decades is actually part of living her purpose—not an obstacle to it. The sadness isn’t purposeless; her purpose is being presented to her, and she keeps avoiding it by looking for it.
Key Concepts
- Purpose is lived in the present moment
- The mind cannot find your purpose
- Doubt is leaving your heart
- Grief of self-abandonment
- The expansiveness of I Am
- Searching for purpose avoids it
Key Quotes
“If you’re living your purpose, it’s in the moment. It’s not in the future.”
“You think that your mind is going to find your purpose? No. Trust your body for a minute.”
“Your purpose is being presented to you and you keep on avoiding it by looking for it.”
“Doubt is a sin of the heart… you have to leave your heart to doubt.”
“The big expansiveness of ‘I am’ scares the shit out of you.”
“The reason it’s forever is because you’re actually not being with it.”
Transcript
I think the thing that’s really um most on my mind and and my heart is like um a sense of feeling like I’m not getting to the like living out my purpose in my life and trusting that life will actually bring that to me. Like I’m kind of in this in between thing between like—
Joe: Cool. Okay, just proceed. Cool. Great. But action. Hold on. Stop all of that and give me your question again. But do it while living your purpose. Because if you’re living your purpose, it’s in the moment. It’s not in the future. So this is the moment. While living your purpose, ask me the question.
Now you’re thinking, “How do I change?”
Notice notice how everything changed just in that question. What changed? What was the difference between the way you were asking it before and just the consideration of asking it from your purpose? What changed?
Client: I don’t know. I feel like I don’t trust it that it’s actually coming. That’s the next thing.
Joe: Yeah. But as soon as I asked it, you went from [presence] to [thinking]—need to focus like need to be in the masculine basically versus the feminine.
Client: Wait, that’s masculine for me. It’s like Yeah. The mind like thinking about like I’m just chronically overthink things. That’s masculine overthinking for me.
Joe: The mind. The mind being in the mind. Mind is body. So then fuck the mind, live. Tell me. Ask me the question from your body but from your purpose. You think that your mind is going to find your purpose? No. Trust your body for a minute.
Client: Will my purpose want to receive me?
Joe: That wasn’t it. You’re literally shaking your head. No. So, take a moment. Take a moment and just be in your body and then say, “If I’m living in my purpose right now, what’s the question?” And just let your body tell you the answer, not your mind.
Client: It’s really hard for me to do like I just come back to this trust to the mind.
Joe: It’s really hard for you to do. What happens before you question?
Client: I go into my mind. I go into—
Joe: Right before that. What? Right before you go into your mind, what happens before that?
Client: I’m just… I am.
Joe: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, that’s the thing you’re not trusting. Your mind is questioning that. That’s what I keep seeing. It’s like boom, you show up and then you’re like question question. So I ask the question, you show up and then question question. All of this to just avoid “I am” which is the purpose.
Client: There’s a lot of like grief, like a lot of grief.
Joe: Yeah. You’ve abandoned that for probably decades now.
Client: But it’s so much. It’s like—
Joe: Yeah. It’s a lot.
Client: Yeah. But I feel like it’s never ending. And then I think again like—
Joe: You just said you think it’s never ending.
Client: Yeah.
Joe: I don’t care what you think.
Client: But it also feels never ending. It’s just like—
Joe: That’s what the mind does. The mind says the sadness is never ending. The anger will destroy everything I love. The fear will make me incapable. But we have a good cry and we feel better. We get angry and we get clarity and we care about what we love more deeply. We get scared and we become more capable. So yeah, that’s the story.
And then there’s just the sadness that’s hanging out. Is there even a fucking problem with it? Like in your body. Like let fuck your mind for a second, but feel your heart. Feel your body and tell me what’s wrong with this sadness. Tell me how it’s not beautiful.
Client: It is, but it’s like I feel like it’s just purposeless, meaningless.
Joe: Your mind does. Ask your heart. Ask your heart if the sadness has no purpose.
Client: No, the heart just accepts obviously.
Joe: That was a mental thought process of your heart. Just actually ask your heart and let it answer. Don’t let your head decide what your heart’s going to say. This sadness that you’re feeling, is it without purpose? Is it not your purpose? Like, is it purposeless? What is it really?
Client: No, it just is. It’s just there.
Joe: Yeah. So, it’s like your purpose is being presented to you and you keep on avoiding it by looking for it.
Client: The thing is I feel like I know my purpose and I’m trying to get to it in my head.
Joe: Yeah. That’s your way of avoiding it. And this is what you have to go through to live it. This is what you get to savor to live it.
Client: I don’t know if I trust if that’s true though.
Joe: You don’t—you know that you don’t trust.
Client: Yeah.
Joe: Yeah. Doubt is a sin of the heart. Means doubt is—you have to leave your heart to doubt. You just did it again. That’s it’s amazing that just happened. You just did it again. This is your thing. You go “I am”… doubt.
Client: Yeah. So much doubt.
Joe: Doubt. “I am” doubt. All of this all to avoid “I am.” The doubt—literally if you watch the order of operations, it’s you find “I am” and then you immediately go to doubt.
Client: Why?
Joe: Because the big expansiveness of “I am” scares the shit out of you and your mind in particular.
Client: Yeah. That’s probably true. As a protective mechanism, of course.
Joe: That’s right. Exactly.
Client: Because otherwise, maybe I get crazy.
Joe: Yep. That’s the fear. The fear is that I might get crazy. I might not be able to relate to others. I’ll no longer be able to operate in the world. Yeah. Those are all the fears of getting direct contact with who you are.
Client: So basically I go into the fear and I feel that of or the expansiveness or what do I focus on?
Joe: Well, apparently you’re focused on purpose. So just do that because that does the whole thing for you. How do you live your purpose right now in this conversation with me in this moment? Look, there it is. Boom. Easy peasy. And then if that allows sadness then sadness comes. And if that’s excitement then excitement comes.
Client: Okay. No, not more grief to feel.
Joe: I can see it’s very hard for you. I can see how bad this grief is. I can see it on your face. Oh my gosh. Poor you. You have grief. Just so much. You know, it’s never ending. It feels like—
Client: It’s never ending. It feels like and then—
Joe: It’s never ending because you’re questioning it. You’re questioning it and that’s why it’s never ending. You’re doubting it because you’re not actually letting it. It’s like if you have a kid who cries and you kind of half take care of it, then it’s going to keep on crying. If you have a kid and you’re like, “Oh, I’m going to connect with you. I’m here with you.” Then in a short while they [settle]. But you’re not actually fully connecting with the grief. You’re judging it. You’re questioning it. The reason it’s forever is because you’re actually not being with it.
Client: And sometimes it’s really hard to tap into it though. Like to this level—like I mean for me it’s like at this point if I managed to tap into it with you for example in conversation now it’s so easy for me. But—
Joe: All you have to do is be like, “I’m going to live my purpose right now.”
Client: That’s it.
Joe: That’s your mind complicating shit.
Client: Okay.
Joe: What a pleasure. Good to meet you. Enjoy van life.
Client: Thank you.