Summary
Joe coaches a man who has tried to start roughly ten businesses (primarily fitness coaching) but can’t get any of them past a plateau. He has hundreds of outreach contacts but clients never stick. The man realizes his core question is about self-trust — he can succeed in other people’s businesses but doesn’t believe in himself.
Joe quickly identifies that the man is pushing to prove himself rather than connecting — both with clients and with himself in this very session. When Joe asks him to simply connect with himself, the man immediately tries to “get somewhere” with it, which Joe catches in real time. The breakthrough comes when the man experiences the difference between pushing (being in his head) and connecting (being in his body) — the same distinction he already teaches his fitness clients. Joe points out that the pattern mirrors his father’s failed entrepreneurial attempts: pushing instead of connecting. The session ends with a live demonstration of a natural, connected sales conversation that flows from curiosity rather than pitching.
Key Concepts
- Proving yourself agrees you are not valuable
- Sales is connecting not convincing
- Connection enables accomplishment
- Being in the body versus being in the head
- Business patterns mirror father’s patterns
Key Quotes
“Are you connecting with yourself or are you trying to push yourself to an answer?”
“You can’t push yourself into not pushing yourself. That’s not how it works.”
“So, all of a sudden, I’m just noticing you’re like so much more connected in the conversation than you were before. I want to be with you a bunch more.”
“If you’re trying to prove yourself, you’re agreeing to the fact that you’re not valuable. And then other people agree with you.”
“What makes you interested in that? — Not only that, it’s an open-ended question. You’re listening. You’re not pushing. You’re letting them come to you.”
Transcript
If you’ve been struggling to get your business off the ground, this is going to be a great coaching video for you to learn from. How many outreaches did you do? A lot. How many? Hundreds? Yeah, hundreds a day. Hundreds a day. Yeah, a lot of days. Nobody ever came from that. It did, but it never worked, if that makes sense. Like, it never lasted. They’d come in and they’d go out. In this coaching video, we explore a man’s struggle with his business and find out that it’s really not about business strategy. It’s about how he relates to himself. The question is how to trust myself again because I feel like I’ve done it over and over again that I don’t trust myself to do it and I I can succeed in other people’s businesses but I don’t believe in myself to succeed. Um so you you meaning that you have done multiple entrepreneurship issues. You’ve tried multiple businesses and failed but when you work for other people you succeed. Is that what you mean? Exactly. Yes. Correct. How many failures have you had? I’d say around like nine to 10 of them. How long do they last? Um I’d say around like a few months. So within a few months you know if you fail or succeed. Yeah. Then you’re definitely going to fail. There’s no business that was built in two months. No, no, no. Definitely. But it’s more so the failure the definition of failure is like not being able to um financially support myself. That’s right. So you’re you you’ve been setting up businesses that you are supposed to financially support you in two months. No. Okay. No. No. So um if I wheel it back because I don’t feel like that’s the direction of the question. Um it never got past to I was never able to build it past a certain point like I would hit a plateau with the main one. I started out different ones. The main one that I want to do. What’s the main one you wanted to do? Uh, fitness coaching. Say it again. Fitness coaching. Fitness coaching. Yeah. You you you want to be like a physical like a a a trainer? Yeah. Exactly. And what makes it that you have failed in being a trainer? Not building the clientele to the level that I would want it to. How many outreaches did you do? How many? Hundreds. Every like Yeah. Hundreds a day. Yeah. On a lot of days. Okay. And somehow or another that never that didn’t No. Nobody ever came from that. It did, but it never worked if that makes sense. Like it never lasted. They’d come in and they’d go out. Um. Gotcha. Yeah. I see. Okay. What made you push them away? How did you push them away and what made you push them away? of maybe not being able to understand where they were fully um to support them in that way and then what made me push them away. That was that and then how um I how did I push them away? It might have been by being too intense. So, so it sounds like what I hear is like you were proving yourself instead of connecting with them. Is that what you mean? Yeah. Yeah. No, that makes sense. Cool. Are you doing that with yourself right now in this session? Are you connecting with yourself or are you trying to push yourself to an answer? I think push myself to an answer. Yeah. Let’s see what it’s like just to connect with yourself. feels calmer. Yeah. Something else happened too. What else happened? Just keep connecting with yourself. Go ahead. I thought of how to connect with myself. Yeah. And what like there’s like almost a smile on your face. So what is what what don’t think connect with yourself and let’s just see what happens. Just enjoy connect whatever you’re thinking. Yeah. I’m trying to go past that. Yeah, you’re trying to get somewhere. Now you’re pushing yourself again. Now you’re doing it again. I know. Um I know. It’s like if I just I What’s Still doing it. Still doing it. You can’t push yourself into not pushing yourself. That’s not how it works. No. No. Exactly. But that’s that’s what I’ve done and tried. I know it hasn’t worked because I tried. You’re doing it right now. I don’t just right now. Let’s not do it. There you go. Who do you want to be with more? This or the person who’s pushing? Oh, this. Oh, yeah. Apparently your clients also. So, now you just kind of beat yourself up there. What was that? This kind What what just went down? sort of the realization in that right I don’t think I ever made that distinction between the two it was like one if that makes sense or not reach the connection yeah so what happens when you let that land that people actually wanted to be with you didn’t need to push yourself at all now you’re thinking again now you’re trying to get there again it Can’t be that simple or so. Let me ask you a question. What happens when somebody is training and they get in their head? That it’s not very good. Yeah. What happens specifically? They probably get hurt. How about that? How is that any different than what just happened to you? It’s pretty much the same thing. And where do you go when you’re training that doesn’t keeps you not hurt? In your body. And when you’re just being you, connecting to yourself. Where are you? In my body. And when you’re trying to get to the resolution, where are you? In my head. So, I’m training with you. I keep getting in my head. You’re like, “Dude, get in your body or you’re going to hurt yourself.” And I’m like, “Yeah, but it’s not that easy.” What do you say to me? It can’t be that easy. I keep on hurting myself. I mean, all I have to do is just be in my body in a way. Yes. And what’s the what’s in a way? No. What am I missing? Well, I guess if they don’t know if they’ve never done that or they don’t know how to do it. It’s like an instruction without how to into action. Yeah. So, all of a sudden, I’m just noticing you’re like so much more connected in the conversation than you were before. I want to be with you a bunch more. We could if if there wasn’t a whole bunch of hands raised, I would have people raise their hand if they wanted to be with you a bunch more and every most people would raise their hands. Maybe not all of them. Some, you know, somebody had a dominant father, they didn’t like that, but or like that, but yeah, here you are. So, how do you do a reach out to a potential client like this? Just be in my body. I’m your potential client. Show me. Um, yeah. Now I’m thinking again. Yeah, we do reps. This is reps. Yeah. Um, well, these something. Well, not it wouldn’t be something. Um, but it’s just, hey Joe, I I know you’ve been looking to, you know, achieve XY and Z goal. What makes you interested in that? It’s a lot. Not only that, it’s an open-ended question. You’re listening. You’re not pushing. you’re letting them come to you. Like all of that just happened naturally. And I do, I got this to offer you. I got this to offer you. I’m going to do this. We’re going to get you there. None of that. It’s just like what makes you interested. Yeah. The thinking would bring up a lot of pressure or like I mean I feel like that’s what I was taught and how it had to be. Never resonated, never sat with me. is like was like the plan. your mood, follow the plan kind of thing. Yeah. Yeah. That doesn’t that let’s be honest. that hasn’t worked either. So, let’s look at your dad for a second. Your dad, you said your dad multiple times tried to be entrepreneurial and it didn’t work for him. Yeah. How much of this is the pattern that he was in? He was pushing instead of connecting. Not too far off. Yeah. So imagine your dad doing exactly his work but making connection the primary initiative, the motivator. Whatever I do, I connect. Where would your dad be today if you had to guess? a lot more a lot more connections and a lot more stability. I would say a lot less struggle. Yeah. If you’re trying to if you’re trying to prove yourself, you’re agreeing to the fact that you’re not valuable. And then other people agree with you. Yeah, what a pleasure. Thank you. Yeah, I’m so glad you moved to the car. That was uh it was lovely to be with you. Thank you, Joe. I appreciate you. Yeah, if you found this coaching video helpful and you want to experience it yourself or participate in a live coaching event, just go here or click the link below. I’d love to see you there.