Summary
In this live coaching session, a man who recently started his own company describes feeling excited but also constantly braced — tense in his body, rushing through tasks, afraid that if he stops bracing he’ll be “bouncing all over the place” and unproductive. Joe walks him through a series of embodied experiments to show that the opposite of bracing is actually greater presence, not chaos.
Through the experiments, the man discovers that bracing itself is what takes him out of presence and into frantic rushing. Joe explains that bracing is the controlling of an emotional experience, and we tell ourselves that if we stop controlling we’ll be out of control — but what actually happens is we become more present. The key practice is simply noticing when you’re in pain and asking “what am I bracing for?” rather than trying to force yourself to stop bracing.
Joe also reveals the identity layer: bracing makes your identity harder — you feel needed. When you ask “what am I bracing for?” the identity softens, and the fear underneath is “I’m not needed.”
Key Concepts
- Bracing removes presence, it doesn’t prevent chaos
- Ask “what am I bracing for?” to dissolve tension
- Bracing maintains the identity of being needed
Key Quotes
“Put yourself in that imagined place of being completely recklessly enthusiastic… did that increase your presence or decrease your presence when you take all the bracing out?”
“The bracing is the controlling of an emotional experience and we tell ourselves if we stop controlling we’ll be way out of control and it’s odd to figure out that what actually happens is that we become more present.”
“If you tell yourself to stop bracing it’ll be a very very slow process… if you’re like oh I’m in pain, oh I don’t need to be, and your body relaxes — that’s all.”
“When you brace your identity gets harder — you’re needed. And when you ask what am I bracing for the identity is like oh, I’m not needed.”
“How do I stop doing it? … You just stopped. You just did it. You just showed me.”
Transcript
put yourself there put yourself in that imagined place of being like completely recklessly enthusiastic did that increase your presence or decrease your presence when you take all the bracing out that’s bracing in this coaching session we’re going to deal with something that a lot of people are haunted by them thinking that the other shoe is about to fall the session was done during a live Q&A where people from the public can raise her hand and have a coaching session with me if you pay attention I’m sure you’re going to get a ton out of it let’s say the last several years I was in a very kind of stuck feeling situation professionally and even though I enjoyed a lot of the work I did I constantly had this sort of anxious braced way of going about it and now I’ve gone and created my own company I feel great really increasingly empowered about it and I notice um that that whole flip side of you know anxiety excitement uh I have a lot of excitement and still a lot of bracing so what what’s the question questions like how do I move forward or what do I do about what uh about this T also this bodily tension this bracing that I’m still doing so so show me the bracing yeah yeah show it yeah and then show me the opposite of bracing so it’s this place you’re not going to get anything done from it’s that as I’m working I’m constantly just in the other one right you said you said that if you stop bracing you’re not going to get anything done feel like I’ll be bouncing all over the place but that opposite of bracing that just happened wasn’t bouncing no I’m I’m a bit settled right now I suppose comp try again yeah a brace for me and now do the opposite of bracing I mean the presence that you’re showing now definitely says to me you’ll get more done here than bracing more energy so how does the bouncing what what what’s actually happening with the bouncing since it’s not the since it’s not the opposite of bracing there’s this feeling of trying to to rush you know just a moment ago you’re you’re not getting what I’m saying Joe and I want to push you there I want to you know move the mouse cursor on my computer faster than it reasonably goes to click the thing because I know the next steps and I want it done that’s the that’s the thing how is it seems like that’s what happens when you brace yeah that’s that’s like what leads to the bracing or the the tensing yeah but when you do the opposite of bracing you just did it again so then what’s the bouncing off of walls thing The Bouncing Off the Wall seems to be bracing for an extended period of time I I get I I get I get just to be clear I get the idea that like oh if I stop bracing that I’m gonna be like like I get the idea I I know I know how that thought process occurs right yeah so we’ll do one more experiment just to help you put yourself there put yourself in that imagined place of being like completely enthusiastic and unfocused and just like running around yeah just like imagine it and now take all the bracing out of it did that increase your presence or decrease your presence when you take all the bracing out that’s bracing I just watched you do it you were you were kind of doing this thing you were not bracing you got more in your body you’re like and then you went and then like the your jaw shut down you yeah there’s yeah there’s a a a self-consciousness yeah right the bracing takes you out of presence even if you’re excited it takes you it makes you more in the excitement I get the story that the mind tells I’m just wanting to show you what the body actually does and it’s a really natural thing when we stop wanting to like the bracing is the controlling of an emotional experience and we tell ourselves if we stop controlling we’ll be way out of control and it’s odd to figure out that what actually happens is that we become more present yeah I’ll be rejected or or too much or that’s right unproductive yeah right and you can see it really easily like if you’re having a conversation with somebody you start bracing you’ll start losing connection how do I stop doing it when I’m not it’s like how do I be more mindful Joe no you just stopped doing you just did it you just showed me you just did it but it keeps happening yeah that’s that’s how life goes but I don’t want that the way you do it is you just notice that when you’re in pain it’s all you have to do if you tell yourself to stop bracing it’ll be a very very slow process it’ll work it’ll just be very very slow if you’re like oh I’m in pain oh I don’t need to be I can and your body relaxes that’s all if you’re like I’m in pain I’m bracing again Jesus Christ why do I keep doing that but it’ll be very slow but if it’s just like oh just like you’re doing right here so then the question is like how do you keep it in top of mind and you posters on the wall Yap app whatever you have to do to just like remind yourself of the question what am I bracing for is really ask yourself that 10 times a day and it’ll be done in short order which is the question what are you bracing for look look at that it just immediately took away the bracing how to hold it all together Joe who else is gonna do it and that’s the thing is like when you brace your identity gets harder you’re needed and when you ask what am I bracing for the identity is like oh I’m not needed great of when I’m not needed not